I wrote this poem this morning. The photo is by Tausha Ann photography.
How does it feel to be a heart mom?
How does it feel to fear the worst?
To cry tears of joy just to hear
His heart failure has been reversed
To spend hours in a surgical waiting room
Not knowing what news you'll receive
What's happening under the knife
While people urge you to "just believe"
How many times do we wake up at night
Just to make sure they're alive
Then lie in bed and wonder
Will my baby live... Will they thrive?
We are told that the future is unknown
All we can do is work on today
So we go to our appointments
And pray that things are okay
You hold your breath at every nuance
Hope that this visit is brief
And all of his good X-rays and echoes
Bring only temporary relief.
How does it feel to cheer and rejoice
When they drink just a sip or two
While healthy babies eat too often
And that sounds like heaven to you
How does it feel to cherish
Every time he is in your lap
Because you remember what it's like
To have a week long gap
To feel anger like you've never known
When others express sorrow and pity
When they say "I feel so sorry for that poor baby
"But at least his eyes are pretty."
To wonder daily if you've made the right choice
Why did I put him through pain?
But at the same time I know he deserves life
It's something I just can't explain
I hate that I know how to drop a tube
Or that I know about iv mil
I don't want to be medically savvy
But I must advocate, so I will
People tell me that I am strong
If you were me, what would you do?
My life belongs to my child
I do what we need to pull through
One thing I will never know
Although it is my heart's desire
Is how it feels to be my son
For he is the one we should admire
I don't pretend like I'm the only one
Who suffers with my fate
In fact I feel I'm luckiest
To know my life is great